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i feel a need
to Cum-
mings again.

if i ever
wasn't not going
to do it,
now is not the time.

why would i
can't do nothing
i shouldn't be
able to do?

even as i write
this, my hair grays
as the words
fade.
as is...
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Hey, I just write it, you choose who you want to read it! :P

And yeah, you got it. That was intentional, as it was my mood when I wrote it. So I guess that means I win??? :w00t:
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you dirty dirty mind. :P

I feel like the defiance slipped out of the last verse.
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Hey, I just write it, you choose who you want to read it! :P

And yeah, you got it. That was intentional, as it was my mood when I wrote it. So I guess that means I win??? :w00t:


Opps! fucked that up I guess!
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Still, that goes back on you :stare:

Almost had it! Just got a little sentimental there on your chin, wipe it off fast....
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Yeah, indeed it does, but it worked great, no? :)

Yeah, I guess I did. I might revamp that last part, but at the time, it just felt right. Of course what does feeling have to do with writing! :P Love the metaphor though, it made me lol.
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Argh. :P

Yeah, if you bring that to the forums we'll all have to yell at you!
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Yep, worked perfectly and you're pissed about it! :D

Well, not sure how familiar you are with Cummings, but he quite frequently injected his 'feelings' into his poems. In fact, most of his work was a direct result of this!
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:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, damn!

I've read some of his stuff, and the sense I always got was that the mood was consistent throughout, even if it was deep. The other thing I realized that's bothering me about that last bit is it seems like a commentary on the rest because the i is capitalized--another way in which it breaks form with the first three.
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
Well, in retrospect, I can see your point, but it wasn't to be an exact copy of his work, it has my touch in there as well! I know it doesn't make it any less out of whack with the last line though, so I will look into how I could end it on a more consistent note.

Oh and what capitalized "I"? ;)
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