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At the end of a frazzled rope hung a man, daggling by a few blistered fingers and a little hope. He looked down, staring into the black abyss below, wondering if it would hurt, and if there was a bottom. Only a half an inch, he slipped, but it felt like forever in an instant. He breathed again. In short, quick bursts, as sweat beaded his brow.

The rope wiggles a little and looking up he sees her, knife in hand, slowly sawing and smiling. “I know you said you loved me, but I thought I told you good bye.”



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:iconitti:
Itti Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree with what ~saratheclown said about the ending feeling a little rushed, and the reasons for it. I think it might help if you broke up the penultimate sentence a bit - it seems to run on a bit and this not only gives it less dramatic impact but also makes it feel like you're trying to squeeze everything into as few words as possible. Which of course you are, with the drabble form, but it's not meant to look like you are! ;) Am I making sense?
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2008
Yeah you're making perfect sense and after re-reading it I agree, breaking it up would make it flow a little better and slow down the avalanche! Thanks for the helpful comment :)
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:iconitti:
Itti Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem, glad it was useful :)
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2008
Oh it was :)
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:iconisabellamichel:
IsabellaMichel Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2008  Student Writer
Oooh, those last words sounded harsh. This was excellent!
The flow, I felt I almost rushed through the piece in a way and even if it wasn't so short, it would've been amazing at a greater length as well. Beautifully written.
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2008
Thank you so much! Sorry it took so long to replay, but I do appreciate your thoughtful comments! Yeah, it did feel rushed, but I looked at the break up like pulling a plug in a drain, the water drains out more quickly in the end!
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:iconisabellamichel:
IsabellaMichel Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2008  Student Writer
Ah no worries. I've been unable to reply to my comments in a while actually.
Life just gets in the way. ;p
Ah, well it's still great! Sometimes when it's shorter, you appreciate it more almost. :) So I like it the way it is!
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2008
Yeah this is so true. The shortness can be a surprise sometimes, so no need in getting all comfortable with same ol same ol... so live! :)
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:iconhotah:
hotah Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007   Digital Artist
I love it!
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007
Thanks, glad you do. :)
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:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007   Writer
Nice drabble, you did a good job of setting up a horrific situation and infusing it with a bit of dark humor. I'm having a hard time relating this writing to the photo though ... perhaps it's the late hour.
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007
Well thank you my friend, I'm glad you liked this one. But, you're not wrong. I did write this for that :defotofriday: drabble thingy, but I forgot to look at the pic again, so you're not too wrong about it. (although the guys tie surly looks like a rope, no?)
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:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007   Writer
haha... Well, that explanation works for me, especially given my own attitude toward ties: I've always thought of a tie as a noose. A more useless piece of apparel there never was. I'm sure I must own one, but I have no idea where it is. Give 'em enough rope ... =D
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007
I have a few too, but it usually takes a death or a holiday to get me to wear one!
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:iconbatbear:
batbear Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2007   Writer
Should it be 'half an inch', rather than 'half and inch'?

:)
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2007
Oh indeed you are correct! Thank you, for the catch and the read. :)
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:iconbatbear:
batbear Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2007   Writer
No problem. I make that typo all the time. (I always feel embarrassed pointing them out, but I know I'd want to be told)
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2007
Yeah, I always want to be told as well. :) so please do!
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:iconbrokensemaphore:
brokensemaphore Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2007
I love drabbles.

(I'm too tired to say anything more).
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2007
That's okay, thanks for the read anyways :)
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:iconlilithlairpoetry:
LilithLairPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2007
Loved it man, I feel like that now and I want her to let me go too...
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Thanks man, I'm sort of glad this moved you, but I hate its in such a personal way.
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:iconlilithlairpoetry:
LilithLairPoetry Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Personally, yeah it sucks because of the literal context but indeed a in-depth write.
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:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
At the end of a frazzled rope hung a man, daggling by a few blistered fingers and a little hope.

Grand.
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Thanks, glad you liked it. :)
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:iconbogbrush:
Bogbrush Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2007
Interesting descriptions of fear of letting go in more ways than one and confronting the unknown. There's a slight macabre quality here too. Nice one!
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Yeah, I definatly wanted that macabre feel in this one, so I'm glad it came through so clearly. :) sometimes love (relationships) can be horrific!
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:iconsaratheclown:
saratheclown Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2007
Very nicely done. Your portrayal of the man's desperation is engaging and well articulated. However, it seems to end a litte abruptly - not because of the quote at the end, but because the sentance before the quote is very concise with relation to the paragraph before it. Overall, though, very good work. +Fav!
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:iconmsjames:
MSJames Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Well, it's also brief because of the form (a drabble) or I could have went a little further with it (or maybe lessened it) as I felt like it.
I'm glad you enjoyed this though and thanks so much for the thoughtful comment and the +fav.
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